Pigs And Politics: Whitehall Came Together To Save 100 Pounds Of Bacon

I’m glad I was too preoccupied to blog back in September when that whole Pig vs Whitehall Township thing was going on. Although it was the talk of the town, I was dealing with health issues at the time and my attention was elsewhere. Well, there’s no better time than now to toss my two cents into the pot. Some time has passed and emotions aren’t at a fevered pitch any longer. So here it goes…..
The pig saga is pretty well known by most readers here. For those of you who are in the dark, I’ll put it in a nutshell. An eccentric Whitehall resident named Hollie Hacker had a beloved potbellied pig as a pet. The township Zoning Board informed her last spring that she could no longer keep the pig….named Porkus Maximus….. as a pet because it was deemed a farm animal. After that, all hell broke loose. Hacker raised an army of supporters, gained media attention and in September at a hearing the Zoning Board backed off and granted the potbellied pig a reprieve. All in all the saga of Hacker and her pig came across as a feel good, heart-warming story…..if you’re a mongoloid with no brain. My take on it can be summed up in the following points.
Point #1: I try not to be critical of anybody except politicians in this blog. Today, I am making an exception. Hacker is an idiot, pure and simple. She went on television and told the world that Porkus was, in essence, her life partner. She ‘wouldn’t sell him for a million dollars.’ Most lonely middle-aged women collect cats as a hobby/companions. Hacker chose a pig. When the Zoning Board meeting ended, Hacker sobbed tears of joy that Porkus was spared. To be honest, I think the pig should have been turned into spare ribs. He looks delicious. It’s a shame that the pig was given a crazy name. Porkus Maximus. Really, Ms.Hacker? You were probably trying to be clever when you conjured up the name, but believe me, you weren’t. It’s the most retarded name I’ve ever heard and makes me wonder if you’re a few pork spare ribs short of a rack. In a few years she will probably be known as ‘that crazy pig lady’ in Whitehall.
Point #2: It took a pig to get Whitehall residents interested in politics. The commission can raise taxes and it’s okay. They can recommend closing the library and there’s hardly a whimper of protest. But heaven forbid, the township wants to separate a spinster from her pig and the whole town goes batty. Rallies were held in support of a sow. Kern, and the other commissioners were suddenly available to their constituents. The township backed down because of the media attention a pig in the poke was bringing. Everyone who supported Hacker and her pig should be ashamed of themselves. You don’t come out to vote or attend township meetings but you come out to save 100lbs of bacon.
Here’s what the township should have done. Porkus Maximus should have been taken into custody and two weeks later Whitehall should have held a Porkus Pig Roast over at the high school. BLT’s, spare ribs, pork chops and tenderloin for all citizens. That would have been an appropriate send off for the piggy. At least if society ever breaks down and food becomes scarce, we all know where to find a 100lb pig to feed our families.

Porkus Enjoying His Freedom

Porkus Would Have Looked A Hell Of A Lot Better On A Spit!!

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6 Responses to Pigs And Politics: Whitehall Came Together To Save 100 Pounds Of Bacon

  1. Grill Porkus says:

    Your post is true. It really is a sad day when people blindly accept tax raises but scream bloody murder when a pig’s future is in question.

  2. Art On 4th says:

    Kern supports whackos like the pig lady because it was good publicity. Screw the normal hard working people in town. Whatever gets him on the news. Ask around Jim. Kern was pig ladys biggest supporter.

  3. Amy Yost says:

    Jim, you know this town is contradictory. I personally don’t see what the big deal was. It was only a pig.

  4. Brooks Overton says:

    Hacker is a nut job. Her neighbors are even dumber for putting up with her shenanigans and her smelly foul pig. I wonder if the pig pleasures her as much as she says.

  5. Brooklyn Transplant says:

    Where the hell were you when that pig woman was the big story?? I checked your site everyday hoping you’d post something. The local yokels came together to save a pig. Only in Pennsylvania LOL

  6. Grape St Walker says:

    I don’t know about you but I am hungry for bacon now!

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