The Whitehall Song

We have all heard the song “Allentown” by Bill Joel. It’s a good song that talks about the horrible conditions Allentown faced in the past. Now the good people have all up and left. Allentown is now a cesspool. Billy should write a new song about the place.
Here in Whitehall we’re facing a similar future. In ten years or so there will be gun battles up and down 145 and drugs will be easier to find than a six pack and bag of pretzels. So, in the spirit of Billy Joel’s old song I have written a little song about our dying town. Sung to the tune of “Allentown” my number is called “Whitehall.”

Songwriters: Jim

*machine noises*

Well we are living here in Whitehall
And it’s time for us to put up a wall
Down in Allentown they’re killing each other
white, Hispanic, Black, Father and Mother
Down there it’s like they’re fighting the Third World War
Time to pack up and move to the Jersey Shore
Tell our mothers they can stay, we’ll call
If they need something bad, just go to the mall
And we’re living here in Whitehall

But the restlessness was handed down
And it’s getting very hard to stay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.
*machine noises*

And we’re waiting here in Whitehall town
For the community to be driven into the ground
For the lies that our politicians made
Commissioners take all our money and Hozza misbehaves
So the towns around us grow rich and strong
But not here because our mayor is a dong
No the politicians never got us on an even keel
They just lie, pillage and steal
And we’re waiting here in Whitehall town

But they’ve taken all the loot from the town
And the decent people ran away-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

Here every child had a pretty good shot
If they only want to get as far as their old man got
Whitehall’s falling behind the pace
So folks here will go and stuff Yocco’s hotdogs in their face
*machine noises*

Well, I’m moving out of Whitehall soon
To a place that’s not consigned to doom
But I won’t be moving out today-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay

*instrumental break*
*machine noises*
And it’s getting very hard to stay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
And we’re living here in Whitehall
*machine noises*

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5 Responses to The Whitehall Song

  1. Brooklyn Transplant says:

    Walt Whitman couldn’t have said it better.

  2. Amy Yost says:

    Happy New Year, Jim! I love the song. No verses about a certain former commissioner?

  3. Frank On Eberhart says:

    Come on, Jim. Rubbing it in our faces does not help solve the problem. You know how bad the problems are. Whitehall is your hometown too and it’s going to hell. Don’t disappear and come back with a cute song and think all is forgiven, pal.

  4. Bronco Nagurski says:

    I love the line about stuffing their faces with yocco’s as Whitehall goes down the tubes. That’s what it is like here

  5. Fan of Bruce Brinker says:

    Creative Cornucopia of hysterics. Excellent work!

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